Last night, Captify descended on Bounce in preparation for the annual PubMatic ping-pong world championships. Our resident Captify reporter, Dave Wild, gives the lowdown on the action-packed evening…guaranteed to make you LOL:
“Federer is Joe’s favourite player… I’m my favourite player.” – Alexander Taylor, Ping-Pong champion 2018
Once a year in the bowels of Central London, amidst gathering autumn leaves the best table tennis players of the world gather for the Pubmatic Table Tennis world championship. The light Autumn rain makes the neon signs bleed, and the musk of competitive air boils the very atmosphere to a fever pitch. This is Ping-Pong.
“It’s like a cow who sees every single day for 10 years the ball crossing in front, and if you ask the cow when the ball is coming he’s not going to have the right answer.” – Rishi Chande, consultant coach.
Officials from Bounce were called in for the adjudicating, fresh from their 1000th story about playing on tables from the Olympics. Their high octane officiating set the tone for the day, with even the warm ups soaking in the pressure of the evening and leaving none mistaken of the prizes up for grabs.
“Grande, you could drop a tarantula into his shorts and he’ll still be cool.” – Local William Hill Bookie.
The tournament began, Captify, gladiatorial new entrants in Farringdon’s coliseum stepped into the fray with bold dreams and fresh limbs. Maudsley’s infectious confidence spilling forth like warm fosters in a slug and lettuce. The early stages saw Captify quickly dispatch incumbent favourites NowTV 11-3, with disqualifications coming to Sovrn for time spent lingering at the bar, the Captify team bulldozed through the early stages leaving a trail of limbs and tears in their wake.
“Future’s defense spread out like spandex on Miami Beach and Jamie is left naked” – Alexander Taylor, Ping-Pong champion 2018.
Next up came Future publishing. A more comprehensive test for Future was not the game itself, but keeping their players attention off of the attendant umpire’s assets. It was barely a contest in the end with Future even struggling to take on basic rules, like alternate shots, such was the bull blooded lust distracting them.
“This is not just a dream, this is a wet dream of orgasmic proportions. That shot’s got more curves than Jessica Rabbit on steroids” – Paul De La Hosseraye, Ping-Pong champion 2018.
The sternest examination of the evening was without doubt ESI media. Going toe to toe in the initial skirmishes, the game looked set to drag on. True to form it went to 1 set all, the keen instinctive play of ESI more than a match for the raw power of Hosseraye, Grande, Taylor and Williams. it took cool and a calm head to slow the game, add an element of Warne on Gower-esque spin and take the final set from 10-10 to a triumphant victory. The spoils going to Captify as they galloped into the final
“That other bloke Geoffrey is awful” – Joe Maudsley, Ping Pong champion 2018.
The final saw Captify take on Fyber and the gallic Asterix Vanessa, a rumoured 7 foot tall part giant Gallic warrior. Her ground-strokes and back court game belied the immense strength of forehand and the Captify team struggled for answers before identifying her team mate as the weak link in the team. Two games. Two 11-6 victories, and the tournament was over….
“You basically can say anything to someone on an email or text…as long as you put LOL at the end.” – Rishi Chande, following his text to Pubmatic CEO upon Captify winning.
For the first, but perhaps not the last time an expectant crowd saw the Captify team lift a trophy. Those familiar with their softball exploits will not be unfamiliar with the joy, the despair, the cameraderia, and Rishi Chande (consultant coach’s) outspoken comments and post match antics. (Several complaints were launched, but no charges filed). But this was a victory worthy of any Captify team. Say hello to the new Ping-Pong champions of 2018. The trophy is on the bar.
